30.10.09
On the trail of beauty, there I wander
In the house of happiness, there I wander
Beauty before me, there I wander
Beauty behind me, there I wander
Beauty above me, there I wander
Beauty below me, there I wander
All around me, in old age traveling
On the trail of beauty, with beauty
I wanderWith beauty I wander.
The Trail Of Beauty (navajo Prayer)
24.10.09
23.10.09
Somewhere, right now, everything is happening.
Somewhere right now a person was punched, a phone call made, a word just finished being spoken, a word began, a word on the way, a box crushed, a dream awoken, a death occurred, a house dreamed, a person defeated, a person overjoyed, a can kicked, a bird shot, a speech concluded, money raised, suicide contemplated, truth sought, morals discarded, faith found, voices raised, lips touched, skin connected, humans created, God smiled, said “Hello Love”, blankets donated, hands clapped, thoughts happened, refrigerator cooling units clicked on, rain falling, planets orbit, cats meow, hands clasp, people pray, we all sleep in the same bed, memories made, eyes closed, we all sleep together, is happening.
“Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo: así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera.”
—
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.
Pablo Neruda.
—
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.
Pablo Neruda.
20.10.09
i'll admit it,
i was lonely,
i needed you then,i wanted you to help fill those gaps of solitude,
i had no one and you were there,
in the back of my mind,
i saw no future,i just saw the present,i was alone and you were there,
you fell in love,i felt sorry for you,
so i stayed,
i know heartbreak,
wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy,
and still, i was alone but you were there,
wanted to love you so badly,
like the way i once did for him,
yet, those memories of heartache,
have numbed veins that once pumped love,
i hate that you're in love with me,
i hate that i can't be in love with you
i was lonely,
i needed you then,i wanted you to help fill those gaps of solitude,
i had no one and you were there,
in the back of my mind,
i saw no future,i just saw the present,i was alone and you were there,
you fell in love,i felt sorry for you,
so i stayed,
i know heartbreak,
wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy,
and still, i was alone but you were there,
wanted to love you so badly,
like the way i once did for him,
yet, those memories of heartache,
have numbed veins that once pumped love,
i hate that you're in love with me,
i hate that i can't be in love with you
i found someone else,
he's what i want,i'm not alone but i still want him,
and he wants me,
just not as much as i want him,
he needs me for right now,
and i'll take that,no future in mind,
i've fallen for him,
he revived my heart,
but instead of feeling light,
it feels heavy,
he doesn't love me,
i can't tell you of my infidelity,
it'll hurt you,
and i can't bare the guilt,
besides, i don't want to be lonely,
and, well...
you're still here
18.10.09
17.10.09
I used to wait for you. Days would go by before I got a text or a hello, but I was so elated to finally hear from you that I ignored all the signs.
I forgot that I deserve better. I forgot that I actually need someone who's going to uplift and adore me, worship me, love me completely, just as I loved you. But I'll never get that from you.
I'll never get the sweet note or that hug or the awkward hand holding. I'll never be able to hold you again, to kiss you and run my fingers along your collar bone; you're simply too cruel. I can't deal with the insensitivity and the cutting jokes. I can't deal with the degrading behavior you're so trapped in.
You're sorry? Well that's wonderful, but I don't want apologies. I want a change in behavior, a change in character, and I'm not going to ask that of you because I know you too well. This is who you are, this is how you are, and I'm not supposed to try and change that. I'm accepting you as You, and moving on.
“I just need someone to be there when I’m sad as hell. It’s times like these, when I’m straining to see, when I feel so alone; I just need someone there to hold my hand and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. Because everytime I lose myself, I turn around and I’m alone. You’re not there. You’re never there, and I need you to be there. Here. Why aren’t you here for me? Because hell, I’m losing it again.”
16.10.09
12.10.09
7.10.09
6.10.09
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